Bigfoot and the Battle of Hiccup Creek

Cannon balls collided with tree trunks, shattering them and sending splinters in all directions. Occasional bullets whistled overhead, and fist-sized rocks streamed in from an unknown source. Whole sections of the forest were now set ablaze. Only four feet wide, Hiccup Creek flowed peaceably between the battle lines.

Union forces had massed on one side of the creek, and the Rebels lay behind their earthworks on the other. The artillery shelling came and went, but both sides were at a standstill. Neither army had the gumption to charge across the creek. It could have just as well been the Great Wall of China or the Grand Canyon.

“What do you want to do, Captain? asked Confederate Sergeant Weaver.

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

“Well, if you was to make me king for a day, I’d send us all home, but I guess that’s not gonna happen.”

“No, Sergeant–it’s not. I know the men are tire, but we have to do this.”

“I suppose you’re right. Hey, where are the rocks coming from, Captain? These are pretty big rocks!” The sergeant picked one up to show him. It had missed the sergeant by about two feet.

“Rocks! The Rebels are throwing rocks? Must be desperate, I suppose.”

“Either that, or they’re conserving ammunition. Pretty odd, though.”

The shelling unexpectedly ceased and a strange silence fell over the woods. “What the devil happened to that battery! They’re suppose to be shelling for a good ten minutes!”

Several seconds later, a chilling howl echoed through the woods. It was an eery, hair-raising sound. Even the leaves trembled in fright. Made the notorious Rebel Yell sound like a bucket of crickets.

“What in the blazes was that?” asked the Captain.

“Captain” said the sergeant. The sergeant’s eyes bulged a little as he pointed upstream.

The captain peered through his binoculars with an amazed look. “You’re not going to believe this, but it’s a tall hairy creature, and he’s carrying the barrel of a cannon.”

The creature ran like lighting, zigzagging across the creek and through the woods. It must have covered ten feet in one stride. The thing must have been twelve feet tall, with arms like an ape, but it wasn’t an ape. A devilish wrath owned its face, and it let loose another howl, as it ran toward the Union side. With one swipe of the cannon barrel, it knocked over twenty men in blue. On the Confederate side, it smashed three wagons and obliterated fifty feet of earthworks.

“Sergeant! Whatever that thing is, it must be stopped! Order the men to open fire on my mark!”

A similar conversation was unfolding within the Unions ranks. The battle had now shifted to one quickly developing crisis. Little did they know that this particular Bigfoot had had enough. The fires, the smoke, the noise, and the shelling had pushed him over the edge–not to mention the fact that earlier the curious Sasquatch had discovered an old moonshine still. Where else would the name, Hiccup Creek, come from?

The Confederate Captain looked across the creek and the entrenchments to find his Union counterpart. Their eyes locked onto each other, communicating a singular, damning objective. Together, both captains raised their arms to signal the next move. The creature had come to a stop, both legs now straddling Hiccup Creek.

“Okay men! Ready! Aim! Fire!”

Both sides sent a barrage of lead toward the furry creature. In a rage, it threw its cannon-turned-club all the way to Richmond. No man showed an ounce of mercy. The Bigfoot was quickly torn to shreds by the steady blasts of muskets. Five minutes went by, and it was all over.

The soldiers converged on the creature after it went down. Not much was left–a finger here, a toe over there, fur scattered about and still smoldering from the hot bullets. But to everyones great surprise both armies realized they were no longer fighting each other. That evening and into the morning hours, Blue and Gray celebrated a strange victory. Too bad no one brought a camera.

Okay, I know, I know–a pretty silly story. But real life can be sillier don’t you think? People have–and still are–supporting some pretty crazy ideas. Monstrous ideas that can break our society if we aren’t careful. Sometimes, though, we get together and kill the monsters. It took a Civil War to kill the idea of slavery. It took a World War II to kill the idea of Nazism. These can be very hard to destroy, and in some parts of the world they continue to make an appearance. Thank God there are people out there who have the sense to do the right thing, and they stand together.

What are some ideas you think need killing? What ideas are you holding onto that want to harm you? Join forces with like minds, and take action! Take it down! Take it out!

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2 Responses to Bigfoot and the Battle of Hiccup Creek

  1. Don Morse says:

    I thought you were sharing last nights dream with us. Very creative and a great message.

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